i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
