woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
