if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
