Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
