ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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