My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize