i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
