god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
