My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
