if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
