i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
