Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
