I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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