i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
