Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
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