I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
