The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
