If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
