Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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