I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
