I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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