saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
