My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
