Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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