i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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