you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
