Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
