Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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