i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I didn't notice because vodka
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
