Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
