Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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