Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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