If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
