Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I look better un-naked...
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
