Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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