Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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