gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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