I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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