I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
