Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
