I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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