At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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