take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I need a beard to bite.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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