I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
it hurts more in the daytime
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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