Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
