She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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