Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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