Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
