Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
