Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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