how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
