It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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