What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
