Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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