soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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