mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
