Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
