i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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