I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
