You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
