my vag is so smooth its legendary
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
