I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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