It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
