bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
