ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize