if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize