"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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