This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
